Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 49

Thread: Adult Nasty Jokes

  1. #1
    S10Less bigbadrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    baltimore,md
    Posts
    701

    Adult Nasty Jokes

    WARNING - ADULT NASTY JOKES


    Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
    A: Hair balls.

    Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
    A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive

    Q: What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
    A: Come in five flavors

    Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
    A: Crust

    Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
    A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork

    Q: How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
    A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing

    Q: What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough
    Boy together?
    A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection

    Q: How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
    A: By sticking your finger in his honey

    Q: What is the ultimate rejection?
    A: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep

    Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
    A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

    Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
    A: Both can smell it but can't eat it

    Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
    A: A blow job with handle bars

    Q: What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
    A: A mobile sperm bank.

    Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
    A: All you can eat for under a buck.

    Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
    A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone

    Q. What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-spot?
    A. A guy will take twenty minutes to look for a golf ball.

    Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an
    orgasm?
    A: Call her and tell her where you are.

    Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
    A: You can go to sleep with a light on.

    Q: What's the difference between dark and hard?
    A: It stays dark all night.

    Q: What's the difference between a BONUS and a PENIS?
    A: Your wife will blow your bonus.

    Q: What's the difference between a wife and a job?
    A: After 20 years, the job STILL sucks.

    Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
    A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.

    Q: How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
    A: A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

    Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
    A: No one to talk to during orgasm.

    Q: What is Rodeo Sex?
    A: Well, it's where your wife is on all fours, you are firmly
    ensconced from the rear with a breast in each hand, and you
    say to her: "This is the way your sister likes it too."
    You have eight seconds to stay in the saddle.

    Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks
    in, what do you have?
    A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.

    Q: Why do married men like blowjobs so much?
    A: 15 minutes of silence.

    :bigthumb:
    Originally posted by Tony SS 350
    back to being the dick head you all have come to know and love.

    www.myspace.com/bigbadrat

  2. #2
    Blazin no More Blazed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    FSU...Tallahassee FL
    Posts
    2,464
    hah....i cant think of any to add to that

  3. #3
    member 178 ti28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Near Shitcago,IL
    Posts
    2,553


    Q:whut do u call 30 blondes in a row
    A:wind tunel

    Q:whats the deffrince betwwen beer(buddwiser)and woman
    A:beer always gives good head

    Q:why didnt bigbadrat marrie pamala anderson
    A:cause he has palmala anderson (nothin mean by it just needed a nam)
    Last edited by ti28; 10-28-2002 at 09:02 PM.

  4. #4
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    a man is on his way to work he is in a big rush
    he is just speeding along and comes over a hill and there is a cop with a radar gun , he flags down the man and says
    (cop)what is the bug rush
    (the man) i have a work emergency
    (cop) o yea what is it what do you do
    (the man) i am a rectum strecher
    (cop) a rectum strecher what the hell is that
    (the man) i put these things in you rectum to strech it out
    i keep streching and streching till i have a 6foot ass hole
    (cop) what do you do with a 6foot asshole
    (the man) i put it on the other side of a hill with a radar gun
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  5. #5
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    what do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
    A wet nose
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  6. #6
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called, late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

    “What for?” he snapped at the judge.

    His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared, “Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s why!”

    Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. “That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

    The young man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  7. #7
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads hamburger: $1; cheeseburger: $2; hand job: $10. He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter.

    “Can I help you?” she asks with a knowing smile.

    “I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

    “Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”

    “Well, wash your hands,” he says. “I want a cheeseburger.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  8. #8
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    Good to the Last Drop
    A guy walks into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and orders her to open the vault. She says, “But, sir, it’s just a sperm bank!”

    “Open it now!” he demands.

    She opens the vault, and it’s full of test tube samples.

    “Take one and drink it,” says the guy.

    “But it’s sperm!” she pleads.

    “Do it!”

    So the nurse sucks it back.

    “That one there, drink that one as well,” he continues.

    The nurse does as she’s told.

    Finally, after four samples the man takes off his ski mask. It’s her husband! “See?” he says. “Was it that bad?”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  9. #9
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”

    He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

    She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  10. #10
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time.

    As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG! ”

    The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “BITCH!”

    They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

    If only men would listen.

    my woman wanted me to post this
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  11. #11
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”

    “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”

    So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.

    The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  12. #12
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A husband walks out of the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, “I have a headache.”

    “Perfect.” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository. It’s up to you!”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  13. #13
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.

    She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner and facing the wall crying.

    She asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” He replied: “Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16?”

    “Remember,” he said, “I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years.”

    Baffled, she said, “Yes.”

    The husband bawled, “I would have gotten out of prison today.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  14. #14
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

    Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo.

    She gets completely upset, and screams, “You impotent bastard,” she screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!”

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, “I’ll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

  15. #15
    Freelance Gynecoligst V8S10BLAZER350's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    O-Town
    Posts
    736
    A guy asks a young blonde he’s just slept with, “Am I the first guy you ever made love to?”
    The blonde ashes out her cigarette and replies, “You might be. Your face looks familiar.”
    FUELINJECTION IS NICE BUT I'D RATHER BE BLOWN
    DONT BLAME ME I DIDNT MAKE YOU A GIRL

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •